Yes, it's only been seven days, but everyone says you're supposed to take it one day at a time and that means I've got seven successful one-day-at-a-time's under my belt. Seven down, four-hundred to go!
For those of you that don't know-- Justin, my boyfriend of nearly five years and proud member of the Army National Guard, left for pre-deployment training last Monday. Which leaves me here alone while he goes through about five months of train-up and another eight months of fighting terrorists in Afganistan (ideally, because you learn quickly that in the military anything can happen and "the plan" doesn't mean much). This will be his second deployment during our relationship, and every keeps telling me each deployment gets easier, but so far I'm not convinced.
I was a senior in college the last time Justin deployed, and a lot changed while he was gone. As his life basically stopped during the year he was away, my life changed drastically from being a care-free college student living in San Antonio to moving to Houston away from our friends and family and getting my first "big girl" job as a teacher. And if you've ever been a first-year teacher, you know how far that year is from "care-free".
I have three very vivid memories from Justin's first deployment that adequately sum up my experience with the whole ordeal.
First, I remember bawling my eyes out in the middle of the LAX airport. He was about to leave for Kuwait, and I was flying back out to Sydney, where I was studying abroad at Macquarie "Uni", as the Aussies like to say. I still can't completely pinpoint why I was blubbering on so in the airport, but it still ranks in my top three lowest moments of my life. In that moment, all I could think about was that I desperately wanted forever with this man and what if I never got to see him again? Our life together was flashing before my eyes, and all I could do was mutter nonsense over the phone between sniffles and those obnoxious gasps you only get from crying much too hard. I'm pretty sure I told Justin we should get married, in some last ditch effort to regain control over the dramatic spiraling mess that I was imagining. Looking back, I realize I was overreacting, which I'm sure Justin knew as he patiently listened to my meltdown from the other side of the phone line. When I finally said goodbye and got on my plane, I drowned myself in romantic tradgedies-- The Notebook, A Walk to Remember, Romeo and Juliet-- crying all the while like a crazy person. I really owe an apology to the poor woman who had to sit next to my pathetic self for that nine hour plane ride.
Second, I remember watching Disney's Pocahontas one day while I was babysitting, and thinking it was the sexiest movie I'd ever seen. I guess that's what eight months of celibacy does to a person-- it makes Pocahontas feel like a porno.
Lastly, I remember riding to the airport with Justin's family to go pick him up for his two-week leave. I hadn't seen him in eight months, and was scared shitless. Don't get me wrong, I was excited to see him. I'm fact, I was over the moon! But, after eight months, would he feel like a stranger? A stranger, no less, that I'm supposed to have the most intimate of relationships with? A stranger that I was expected to hug, and kiss, and probably *gasp* have sex with like the past eight months hadn't existed? We'd been talking up and looking forward to this day for months, and suddenly I was scared I had forgotten how to be with him, or even worse, scared that I wouldn't know him at all. That morning I was feeling awfully nauseous, I couldn't eat breakfast, and I was on the verge of asking Justin's sister to pull over on the way to the airport. Vomiting felt probable at this point, which made me even more anxious-- because who wants to come home from a war zone to a vomiting girlfriend? It was a vicious cycle. But, although I wouldn't describe our first day back together as seamless, it only took one perfectly long hug to get reacquainted with my love and for all the butterflies in my stomach to fly right away.
Now, three years later, here we are facing another deployment and another 13-month separation. I do think this one will be easier, knowing that we've made it through this before. At least, that's what I've heard from other army folks.
I like to give Justin cheesy, sentimental gifts before he leaves for long periods of time like this. It's kind of a tradition that I started way back when he went away for his basic training. This time, I found the most adorable book called "What I Love About You".
It's one of those fill-in-the-blank books, where you personalize it for your relationship. Here are a couple samples of the kinds of questions in the book. It's a great gift for expressing your love and being a little bit silly with your lover. Yes, it's kind of cheesy, but what can I say, I'm a hopeless romantic!
The book is made by Hallmark, and I found this one in the greeting cards aisle at HEB. Justin loved it, and even referred to me as the "best girlfriend ever". And he's a tough army guy who I'm always a a little hesitant to get lovey-dovey gifts for, so I'd call that a win!
